I'm not Okay!

"Happy person's don't have the best in life, they're just good in making the best of everything that life brings along their way.."

This would have been a better explanation on what I'm currently feeling right now. I know to myself that I'm not okay. I am really not! Problems do come and go but this time it chose to remain. I know. I whine a lot about life. Why life needs to be so unfair? I KNOW THIS IS BULLSHIT but really.. Everything is unfair.. This is hurting me so much. I thought everything will be okay. I sacrificed a lot and now what? I've been through a lot and right now I don't know how to face all this shits!! This is definitely killing me. I still want to hold on but I'm tired.. VERY TIRED!!

"Gusto kong magpaka layo....PLEASE LANG!"

P.S. I WANT TO HAVE A JOB!! I NEED MONEY!!

Au revoir! ~

Poetic Bloodline

by Gemineye

One night, God came to me in a dream
With a scheme that seemed to be out of this world
He approached me and opened his robe
And showed me a hypodermic needle in the shape of a pen
And my first reaction was to step back fast
But then God grabbed me and said
“Slow down my child,
I’ve got a job for you to do”
And with a burst of light God grabbed my arm
And said “I mean you no harm”
And he pushed the pen in
And it filled my arteries and God charted me
To write some new shit, some true shit, something just for you shit
And when I was done with part one
God said “write some part two shit”
He injected me with Billy’s Blues and a muse of Langston Hughes
And God said “you’ve acquired some of the tools in the school you’ve been attending
But now it’s time to stop pretending”
And he started sending into my bloodstream
The poetic feats of John Keats
And the published greats of W.B. Yeats
And just when I thought God was through
He started slipping me hits of Maya Angelou
And God asked “do you know what I’ve handed you?”
And my response was “No” and God said “let me show”
And he continued to fill my veins the same way he had been
Giving me a fix of Emily Dickenson and my bloodstream seemed to scream
As God gave me the liquidated literary genius of W.E.B.
And I got lost between doses of Robert Frost
And my eyes got blurry in a flurry
And I was no longer seeing ‘em but I could feel Emerson, Tennyson, and Stevenson
And God said “you won’t get far without Paul Orange Dunbar
And you can’t start spittin ‘til I’ve given you Whitman”
And God kept filling me and it felt like he was killing me
And I closed my arm tight and God snapped it back open
And screamed “you’re not yet ready to write”
He said “tonight has just begun
Everything’s alright my son
You see I need you
I use poetry to teach people
The world I created has been overrun by ignorant thinking
And I need poets to take the world back and break the curse
Now unbend your arm so I can give you William Wordsworth”
And again the pen was shoved in my veins and God grabbed the reigns
And as if I was a mule
He said “I use you as my tool and plow the field with you
Fulfilling empty minds’ needs while planting knowledge seeds
No longer will there be a flourishing time for malnourishing minds
I want you to make intelligence a law cuz ignorance is a crime
Now I need you to go and reap what you sow
While captivating minds like Edgar Allen Poe
I gave you the wings so now fly like the raven
This world needs saving
Feel free to fight off your fears
Cuz they’ll disappear within this injection
Of my tears which contains the remains of great things gone
And new things to come beyond the next dawn
You’re the next in a bloodline of greats
You are a poet
You command the attention of large groups
You ready the troops for revolution
You write words that can commend or condemn
Turn boys into men
Make other poets push pens
And you must be about something more than slam scores based on ten
Because you are a poet
Think about all the great things poets have accomplished
And when the writing gets rough
Hold on to your pen
And don’t drop this
Always take time in your mind to reflect back on the fact
That you’re the next to step forth
From a poetic bloodline

Dear internet,

I am not skinny. I do not look like those models on the cover of those international magazines who eat nothing because they’re pressured to be thin. I do not have the most toned legs and I have thighs because I eat. I don’t have the height to join the next season of America’s Next Top Model. I am 5 feet and 3 centimeters short. I don’t always look my best because there are days when I’m too lazy to do so and there are days when I say ‘F*** the world, I don’t want to put on make-up, I want to tie my hair in a bun, I don’t want to dress-up.’ I am not white, I have morena skin and that’s because I am Filipino and I love my skin color. A lot of people would want my skin color, why the hell do people out of this country have artificial tanning booths?

Bottomline, what I’m trying to say is, I may not be perfect but from my imperfections, I see my beauty. And you can keep telling me your opinions about me and you can keep trying to tell me I’m ugly, I’m fat and I should stop posting photos of myself but I don’t care because I believe that I am beautiful no matter what you say, because God made me that way. And as a famous person once said in her television show, ‘KISS MY BIG FAT ASS.’

I thank you.

Re: Changing your status on Facebook

I really don’t understand the society that we live in nowadays. No offense meant to anyone but I really don’t understand why it’s so easy for a lot of people to ‘fake’ their status: in a relationship, single tralalalala~, when you’re not.

Is it for fun? Is it just a joke? Is it to make someone else jealous? I don’t know, really.

Come on, wouldn’t it be better for example if you’re single and you waited for so long and suddenly get a hold of the ‘one’ and you can finally say *insert your name here* IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ____________________? And people would be ecstatic for you and it’s actually for real.

I don’t really get why it’s so easy for other people to fake it, when in fact, for a person like me, and I hope a lot of people too, it means a lot. It is ‘sacred’.

Someone enlighten me.

I’m perfectly lonely ‘cause I don’t belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me.

There’s something about being single that makes me happy.

I like that I owe no one anything. I don’t have to worry about someone every single waking hour, minute and second of the day. My parents completely trust me and I don’t need to lie about going out with people because I don’t have a boyfriend and they like the idea that they’re the only ones who call me their ‘baby’ or their ‘sweetheart’. I can’t relate to the songs on my iPod and I have no one to cry over sad songs while alone in my room. I get to save my money because I don’t have to go out all the time and give my significant other gifts and tralalala. I don’t cry and stay up at night thinking of what I’ve done wrong or what someone did wrong to me and I don’t have to apologize for something that I shouldn’t really apologize for.

I guess this is what I learned over the past months, that I don’t need someone else to make me happy. Sure, I love the feeling that someone loves me, that I don’t need to flirt with other guys and that I feel secure knowing I have someone, like a little kid who feels secure at night with her night lamp or favorite blanket beside her. But….yeah sometimes loving someone too much can make you miserable and it blinds you.

I am young and heck, I’m enjoying life with my family and friends. Yes, there may be some guys trying to… you know, but I think I shall first enjoy my freedom and what I have right now ‘cause I sure will be missing this a few years from now. And when I do find that right person, I will make sure he is ‘the one’ and I ain’t letting go.