On The Inside.

(From D. Levithan`s The Realm of Possibility)

That night I told you to be careful
In the way I could not be careful myself
You left the party and I walked from drink to drink
Wishing the best for you, knowing it was the worst for me.

It is a horrible wonderful feeling to be in love with you
To get to hear you sing hour after hour
But never be the subject of the song
To listen and listen and listen

I carry your equipment to gigs
I am your ride home , your calendar
I let you choose the radio station, the time
And in return, yours is the only goodnight I`ll ever need

I`ve lost track of where friendship ends and falling begins
(This is the foolish refrain of the hopelessly devoted)
There are times I want to kiss you mid-sentence
Undo the not-doing with one gesture

But I hesitate the wondering
She`s taken the place that was never mine
Yours and I have our sad misdirected love in common
Only yours sing out, while mine is a voice left on the inside

I bide my time , pick at the petals, play the good best friend
You ask me what I`m looking for, and I outline you
You don`t recognize the shape, offer other names
You say my time will come and I hope

I know this is how the world works
It would be funny, if it wasn`t my heart
She is the weakness you think of as strength
While I am the strength you have no idea is there

I am the one who knows who you are
I want you to be happy
And you could be with me

-Honestly, I can`t relate but I just found this poem
so sad and so beautiful at the same time. <3