I know right?

huwaw. it's been 3 months or more since my last post.
"OO NA! AKO NA ANG TAMAD!"
but as much as possible, ill be in touch. i miss this though.


BLA. BLA. BLA.

Here we go again.

I dont know. I keep typing, then erase. type, then erase. There's so much to say but i dont know how to start. I feel like, i wanna shout but i cant. I wanna cry but i ran out of tears. I wanna laugh but i dont have the reason to. I wanna be free from this hurt but i dont know how to.

What happened to me? Well, i took a rest. Think about things that i should think. If it's A or b? If i need to settle things down. If i need to go with the reality. I made some thinking.

Here i go again. My heart beats fast like it will explode. I sweat a lot like there is someone chasing, ah! yah. It's reality again. Chasing me around, but i keep on running away from it. But running away from it will hurt me more? I guess, that's why Im trying to grab it and understand it. Im trying, Yes. I AM.

You mad? Hm. Irritated i know, but why? Yet, you didn't say why and it hurts even more. I wanna know. Im dying to know, but I dont want to irritate you again. I'm sorry.

See? How hard it is? I dont know. It's hard for me and I want to end this but i cant. HELP ME? Please. I still have one more term to fix these. One more term. I'll go what Lor said, Wait. Yah, i'll wait but tell me when to stop and let's do everything for the last time.

I wanna be happy. That's all.
what if, happiness means letting you go? would i still want to be happy?
IDTS. :l

I tried to end but he won't.

It was a very gloomy day.
At first, I never thought of ending what we have. We were very close yesterday, but we didn't see it coming. Because of a simple lie, it changed everything. I suddenly gave up from all the fights that I tried to fight just to have a nice, happy and loving relationship. I tried a million times but last night I got tired.

Im not the person who gives up easily. I try to fight as much as i can, I try to fix things as much a possible and I try to understand everything as hard as i can but things that i do was not enough.

I loved him, but it's still not enough. I understand him a lot, but damn, I'm still the one who leads to be misunderstand. I try to be loyal as much as possible but Im the one whose been betrayed.

Whenever we have our fight, Im the one who's chasing him and saying not to go and telling him we can fix this, we can start again, we can understand each other more but last night was different. I had the courage to let go and leave him alone. At first I thought he would just let me, but i was wrong. He tried to chase me, stop me from saying those words and even cried and beg for me to stay with him but I was TIRED already from being unappreciated, misunderstand and being betrayed.

He started to say those plans that we have in the future. Those PBA that we're planning to go. He even mentioned that what if one day I'll be walking down the aisle and he's not the one who's waiting for me down the aisle, then I said that's quite impossible. Why, he asked again and I said, I dont know.

He even told me, he wouldn't be marrying someone if it's not me. Then suddenly I asked myself, WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? -- Now he's the one chasing around. Texting me to stop. aaaaargh. Im confused.

I end the day with him and saying, just let me clear my mind.
Let me think first. and he said he'll WAIT.

I said, Ill never go. just let me think for a while.
He said he's deepest sorry and even cried infront of me and it made me weak.

Now it's up to me, if i'll be back or I'll be gone for good.
is it too late for his black accord to catch me now?

but then again, I still LOVE him.